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After reading the first section, I feel an immense weight of 5 years of confusion being lifted off my mind and heart.A true gift to children of Borderline Personality Disorder people. Anybody who has a Borderline Parent needs to read this book for the sake of having clarity about the confusing childhood associated with Borderline Personality Disorder.
I would recommend this book. The authors did a great job making a technical disease easy to understand.There are great examples of the many different situations that can occur with BPD. It is very helpful for any child who has grown up with a parent who had BPD.
Like all books of this type, you have to be at the place to help yourself and Do The Work and Keep Doing the Work (meaning, do the exercises.). Heartbreaking yet relieving to read; helpful suggestion and exercises.
I have an adult brother with BPD and none of the recommendations are relevant. In the face of a continuing barrage of abuse and threats, the only solution in my opinion is to cauterize the relationship--cut all contact take out a peace bond if necessary change your phone number, emsil address, etc.
This book touches on acceptance, forgiveness and dealing with the person with BPD. That is admit that the person is cruel, dishonest and manipulative and there is not treatment for this condition.
This book summarizes the work of others and presents their findings as a setof lists. He hates his grandchildren and expressly lets them know of his dislike.
This only continues the torture. It then gives a series of pep talks concerning self worth.
My brother has abused his spouse and his children.
I cannot even sleep due to my mother's abrupt appearances either at my home or place of work, if I hang up on her when she is insulting or screaming at me on the phone, she rages a personal vendetta about me to anybody who knows me and worst of all, is that when I was younger, I reported her insane behavior to my neighbors, doctors, school nurses, school chums, teachers and even the police and NOBODY DID A THING. After that, I frantically purchased this book and two others and the "coping" suggestions are completely ridiculous. Your suggestions are beyond ludicrous. They say violence "can occur", well, I have never seen anything the likes of what this horrid woman pulled on me my entire life and thank God I no longer live with her, but she still makes repeated threats against my pets, job, relationship with my boyfriend and I never know what this insane woman is going to pull next. The only thing/s the authors get correctly is that we are guilted into never leaving these horrible parents. I TRULY would like to see any of the authors of these books act in a "calm" fashion while being repeatedly smashed to bits on a daily basis. So I say to the authors of these three books, you couldn't BEGIN TO KNOW what it is like to live with somebody who hates you so ferociously and thinks nothing of breaking your hands, giving you fat and bloody lips, black eyes, who tears out your hair, and slams you against walls, kicking, punching and screaming at you. Whenever I complained, and justifiably so, that I had my own bills to pay, she bashed me so hard and screamed so loudly I truly prayed every single night I would go deaf, or simply die already.
Yes, I have remained calm, but having my head slammed repeatedly against walls, banisters and doors, as well as my integrity, emotions, feelings and reputation being equally pummeled by a nonstop barrage of insults, accusations and commentary has made me an extremely unhappy woman, and a very damaged one at that. I would give this book five stars for research alone, but all of these books regarding Borderline Personality Disorder seem to be inter-plagiarized amongst themselves with the same research and facts and only a smattering of examples of adults who still suffer the consequences of growing up with a Borderline parent.It is both laughable AND nauseating to read how we should be "calm" while in the throes of being pummeled, beaten, slammed against walls, having our hair torn out, being shoved onto the floor and the relentless SCREAMING. I finally hit her back once, when I turned 30 and she practically murdered me from simply trying to defend myself. Yes, I have written letters to her doctors and positively all of them must be quacks, because NOBODY finds anything wrong with her. It is true that people with BPD come up with bizarre accusations, but what is most troubling of all is that these three books I have purchased TRULY did NOT touch base upon the fact that the violence is instant and savage and relentless in nature.
Yes, I also rented five apartments in my name after we were homeless and living in motels together, she refused to live in any of them; I even bought a house which she demanded I buy and refused to live there, so I immediately put it back on the market until it sold, I lost thousands of more dollars DUE TO buying that house, gave her back the profits when it sold, because of her repeated violence and threats to kill me (she'd given me money as a downpayment and never even told me she HAD any money and when I'd complained that she should have paid me back, I got bashed to bits), and her latest accusation is that I KEPT MONEY from the house when it sold, when it was absolutely not true. She complains positively 24 hours per day and never has a kind word to say to me. You couldn't possibly have been put in the position of trying to placate these insane people, who REFUSE TO SEEK HELP. This woman has her Social Security to live on, yet after supplying some 300 links to rentals from CraigsList, refuses to rent a place; instead, she either flies back and forth to my brother's home, or else she stays in motels for months at a time. 30 someodd years ago, there WERE no Social Service agencies in place to remove me from her dangerous dungeon and worst of all, if I had the audacity to complain about her relentless abuse, these people would question my mom, if they did anything, and this would make her so enraged, the beatings and screaming would escalate. I have had horrendous Jewish guilt trips laid on me my entire life to keep taking this vicious woman's crap, abuse, insults, screaming, punching, hitting and hair pulling and she is crafty and manipulative enough to lie about me to everybody who knows me, thus these people question me relentlessly about how I can let my mother "suffer". I am sorry to find out, 41 years too late, that my mother suffers from BPD; it took 41 years for me to become friends with a young woman who diagnosed my mother.
She always is well-behaved around my brother, so I don't see how this can be a disorder when she can control her vicious rages, screaming and violence while in the presence of my brother, but the moment she sees me, she goes off on her un-ending screaming, insults, accusations and that painful hitting. She kicked him out of the house at age 19 and ironically, as she has refused to work for 15 years now, I tried to help her by paying all her bills, ruining my credit twice, filing bankruptcy and never being paid back the nearly $50,000.00 I kept outlaying for all her ridiculous bills and debts. In MY case, my mother has repeatedly threatened to kill me, jeopardized relationships with boyfriends, bosses and landlords, and screamed at me until I felt certain I would go deaf. My older brother only was her target for a few years and all he simply was doing was defending himself verbally.
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